Ohio State Football Week 6: 10 Things to Hate about Nebraska
It’s like if Chucky from Child’s Play had a baby with one of those inflatable Lawn Santas
It’s that time of the week again, time to dig deep, Embrace the Hate and run down 10 things to hate about this week’s opponent: The Nebraska Cornhuskers.
1. Booted From the AAU – For the last couple of decades, Nebraska had been struggling to keep its status as a member of the Association of American Universities. It kept it, though. And that membership was a big reason that the Big 10 let the school join the conference. Then, a year later, they lost it. Here are some more details:
Nebraska successfully retained its AAU membership after a 2000 challenge. This provided Nebraska with an advantage when the Big Ten was looking to expand in 2010, as all of its members at that time were AAU members. Nebraska Chancellor Harvey Perlman said. “I doubt that our application would’ve been accepted had we not been a member of the [AAU].”[However, in 2011, after an extended campaign to retain its membership and a close, contentious vote, Nebraska became the only institution to be removed from the AAU membership by a vote of the membership (a few other institutions had voluntarily resigned.)
That’s right. The only school ever to be voted out. So now the B1G is stuck with a bunch of cornhusking dummies. Thanks so much guys. I know that some of you Nebraska fans might be tempted to point out why the school was removed. Please don’t, it would ruin my narrative.
2. We had em, and we let ‘em off the hook – It was ridiculous. The Buckeyes stormed into Lincoln and set the stadium on fire. The Walrus was pulling great call after great call out of his bucket, and the young offense was dropping points left and right. At one point the Buckeyes had a 27-6 lead. Then, it all fell apart. Braxton Miller hurt his ankle and Joe Bauserman entered the game. The Blonde bomber then proceeded to drop Bauserbombs all over the stadium. And when I say all over the stadium, I mean it. The upper deck, the concession stand, the mens room, footballs were flying everywhere. He must’ve thrown one toward the Buckeye defense too, because after Miller went out, it imploded. What seemed like moments later, the 21 point lead had been replaced by a 7-point deficit. It was miserable. It was horrible to watch. The Huskers must suffer. This is the last time Ohio State and Nebraska will meet until the 2017 season. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want them walking around with bragging rights for nearly half a decade.
3. Bo Pelini Joke – I put this in here to remind myself to include a joke about Bo Pelini in the article. The problem was, I couldn’t figure out what to say because there are too many choices: his temper, his press conferences, his rejection of his Ohio State roots. I don’t know where to begin. Instead, I’m just going to link you to this wonderful Bo Pelini photo gallery from the Dark Side.
4. T-Magic – Seriously? T-Magic? That’s his nickname. Orhian “Short-Ass-Braids” Johnson thinks that sounds ridiculous
5. My 10th Grade Latin Teacher – I’m not going to mention his name, because that would be weird. But my 10th grade Latin teacher was a Nebraska graduate. He was actually a pretty good teacher, but between teaching us about sum, es, est, sumus, estis, and sunt (see and he thought I didn’t pay attention), he attempted to indoctrinate us with pro-Nebraska, anti-B1G propaganda. What’s important to remember is that this would’ve been around 1999, so the Buckeyes were in the late stages of the Cooper era and the Huskers were just a few years removed from Tom Osborne’s 1997 championship. My only regret is that I didn’t take his course during the Bill Callahan era.
6. Harvey Perlman Remember a few months back when conference commissioners and university Presidents were working diligently to bring us a long-awaited college football playoff. Well, Nebraska Chancellor Harvey Perlman was the fly in the ointment, the curmudgeon standing on his proverbial front porch telling everyone to “get off of his lawn.” Perlman was steadfastly anti-playoff and was doing everything within his power to prevent the current system from being implemented. Fortunately, Perlman was ultimately ignored, and in 2014 the playoff will be here at last.
7. Trev Alberts – Before there was Mark May, there was Nebraska graduate Trev Alberts: the original Buckeye hater. I’ll never forget watching college football live during the lead-up to the Ohio State vs. Kansas State Fiesta Bowl. I’m paraphrasing here, but “I’m only going to guarantee one game,” said Alberts. “That’s Kansas State beating Ohio State. The Buckeyes just don’t have the speed to match up. Herp derp de derp.” Of course, Ohio State won that game. I turned on ESPN after the game hoping for an Alberts mea culpa, but it never came. A few years later, Alberts was fired from ESPN. Apparently Alberts skipped some appearances because “ he did not want to “play second fiddle” to the more prominent cast of College GameDay, Chris Fowler, Kirk Herbstreit and Lee Corso.”
Nebraska, you created this monster and I’m holding you personally responsible.
8. They’re Eddie George haters – It’s been almost two decades but Husker fans still haven’t gotten over Eddie George beating out Tommie Frazier for the Heisman trophy. When George headed to Nebraska to cover a game earlier this season, he was bombarded by tweets asking him if he was there to return the trophy to Frazier. Ok, that’s kind of funny. But still, you don’t bad-mouth our Eddie. Suffer, you must.
9. The BTN keeps trying to insert them into the Big 10’s past – Did you catch the “Big 10 Icon” special on Tom Osborne? You know, Tom Osborne, the guy who never coached a game in the Big 10. How about the rebroadcast of the Miami/Nebraska bowl game from when Nebraska was a Big 8 team? For some reason the Big 10 network insists on pretending that the Huskers have been in the conference since its inception. I don’t know if it’s Nebraska’s fault, but it’s ridiculous and I’m blaming them anyway.
10. Look up there in the upper right-hand corner of this article. See that thing? It’s going to be haunting your dreams isn’t it? That’s Nebraska’s mascot. They invite that thing to games…on purpose.
