Well, it’s that time of the week again when I take a closer look at the Buckeyes’ upcoming opponent and offer up 10 things that we just simply can’t let slide. You’ll probably notice that I missed posting this feature last week. Full disclosure, I was in hiding after all of the terrible things that the Nebraska fans said to me last time around. Fear not, though. The threat has been neutralized and we’re back at it. So without further ado, here are your 10 things to hate about Purdue!
1.That Damn Extra Point – It wasn’t supposed to happen that way. Braxton Miller had led the Buckeyes down the field for the go-ahead touchdown—a beautiful touch-pass to Jordan Hall. All that was left was the extra point and a Buckeye victory was all but locked up. Then a funny thing happened, they blocked the kick. The game went to overtime and the Buckeyes went home with a loss. Not cool, bros. Revenge must be served.
2. Block That Kick – Speaking of that blocked field goal… Last year I had the good fortune to attend the Big 10 Basketball Tournament in Indianapolis. A solid contingent of Purdue fans also made the trip. As you may remember, Ohio State faced Purdue in the tournament—and it was an absolute slaughter. The final score was 88-71, but it wasn’t even that close.
At some point early in the second half, with the game obviously out of reach, the Purdue cheering section started chanting something. I wasn’t quite sure what it was at first, but after a few seconds it became clear. They were chanting “Block that Kick.” That’s right, as their basketball team was getting eviscerated before their eyes, their response was to start a chant about an overtime home victory against the worst Buckeye team in a decade. It’s a side effect of being as dominant as Ohio State has been over the last decade that when a lesser team does manage to pull the upset, it makes their entire season. Suffer for this transgression, the Boilermakers must.
3. They get a trophy for beating Indiana – Seriously? I’d be more proud of a “participant” ribbon.
4. They’re trying to Hijack Neil Armstrong – For some reason, just because one out of every three astronauts ever attended Purdue, they like to call themselves the “cradle of astronauts.” The one that they’re most proud of is native Ohioan Neil Armstrong. They like to believe that simply because he received an undergraduate degree from Purdue that he belongs to them. Well, jerks, he doesn’t. He was born in Ohio and he died in Ohio and we’re keeping him dammit.
5. Gene Keady’s Combover was an Abomination – Some of you may remember that Gene Keady, currently a special assistant to St. Johns coach Steve Lavin was also the head basketball coach at Purdue at one point. You may also remember this: the worst comb-over in the history of professional sports. Year after year Purdue was complicit in Keady’s act of domestic terrorism, placing that hairstyle in front of countless impressionable children. It’s irresponsible, and it should not have been accepted.
6. Boiler Up! See, I get “Go Bucks.” It’s Ohio State players imploring the team to “go.” Same with “Go Blue.” Even “On Wisconsin” makes sense. Boiler Up, a phrase chanted roughly 2,000 times per Purdue home game, is one I don’t get. Although, I will say, few things are funnier on a college football broadcast than when the camera pans the crowd during a Purdue loss and focuses on a few dejected fans as they clap twice and pump their fists halfheartedly
7. Spoilermakers – It’s a clever nickname isn’t it? Of course it is, until you stop to think about what it implies. By taking pride in always pulling upsets (which they certainly do) you’re also admitting that the team is consistently bad enough that when it beats a good team, it’s a surprise. I suppose that’s fine…if you’re into that sort of thing.
8. Pizza! Pizza! – Purdue has been to two bowls in the last 5 years. Both times they faced directional Michigan schools. Most recently the Boilermakers eeked out a five-point win against Western Michigan in the Little Caesar’s Pizza Bowl. Come on Purdue, Drew Brees played for you, you’re better than this.
9. They Were Once Called the “Cornfield Sailors” – Seriously. I’m not joking. Before they were dubbed “Boilermakers” by a local reporter in 1891, the Purdue football team was known as the “Cornfield Sailors.” I don’t even know where to begin…
10. They produced this: I believe the kids would say “SMH.”