Scraping Up scUM

On November 19, 2012 by Joe Dexter

 (Ladies and Gents, welcome to Hate Week. Today starts the anticipation of the most hated game on the schedule every single year. No matter what has happened in years past, the vitriol still lives. Today, we start our weekly coverage with one of the main components to fueling that fire. Idiotic Michigan Fans. Enjoy. Keep it right here all week. Fuck Michigan.)

Much can be said about the Wal-Mart Michigan fan. scUM… Grouped like larvae – lost in the life cycle. Sheltered from reality, yet weaning for attention.

Nothing screams, “look at me!!” more than that damn M, plastered on a ten three dollar t-shirt.

Over the years, We’ve all had our run ins with maize and stupidity. On a daily basis, bloggers, writers, and fans are bombarded with idiocy that turns our face blue – and makes us want to puke.

Usually, I like to consider myself the better fan. When nudged, I turn my shoulder. When pushed, I act like I’m ignoring that annoying neighbor that always wanted to be you.  I am the type to mind my own business.  Probably because I realize there is no point to arguing with a Wal-Mart Michigan fan. Yet, it never ceases to amaze me when the Wolverine suckhards faithful continue to prod on.

Even when their point doesn’t make any damn sense.

Yesterday, my first trip to the worldwide leader in social media greeted me with this message posted on my timeline:

Your College Football Coaches initials are UM, even he wants to be a part of Michigan! GO BLUE

Original.

So unique, that I can’t even begin to comprehend it. You’re telling me that since Urban Meyer’s parents made the choice to bestow him his great name, that he wants to be part of That Team up North?

My first reaction was to fix said Facebook fan’s mistakes. It always is.  I typed something similar to, “Well, all of Ohio State’s coaches don’t have the initials UM…”

Of course, that would of sailed – or bounced right off the head of said facebook UM fan.

So my second reaction was to go with a similar if/then type of statement. So I typed, “‘Since Brady Hoke is a Fat Ass, He will  have a stroke.’ See how that works? A  True if/then statement….

After shaking my head in a violent, I want to break something fashion – I hit the backspace again and decided the best way to feed an idiot was to fuel the fire.

What’s UM? Do you mean TTUN? Or scUM? I know our coach is from Ohio…. Oh wait so is yours…

The response?

You’re Jealous http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geQpu4PJqWU #BEATOHIO

I’m Jealous? Wasn’t it you that posted out of nowhere on my timeline about Urban Meyer’s initials? Maybe I was supposed to be  jealous of the numbers spewed in the video by former Michigan athletes.

Sorry Mike Martin, Charles Woodson, Tom Brady and the gang. There is nothing to be jealous about.  In ten eleven less years existence, Ohio State has garnered more Bowl and BCS appearances. Players have obtained more Heisman trophies. Coaches have developed more All-Americans.

The Buckeyes have defeated TTUN 7 of the last 8 years (no matter what the NCAA says).

Living in the great state of Michigan, you’d think I would have learned to deal with the idiosyncrasies. But how can you deal with it continuously? Especially when stupidity around here flocks in droves.

After asking said Facebook commenter if they feared Urban Warfare, I was given this beautiful response to serve up on a silver platter to all you Empire faithful.

How did his 2008 Florida team do against BIG BLUE? Natty Champs are HERE in the Great State of Michigan

What??? Did the University of Michigan win some Reggae competition? Oh Wait… Ann Arbor must be one of the favorites to be named best dressed 2012. No. You know what it is? That campus must be champions in chugging down the nastiest beer on the face of the earth.

Finally, after coming to the conclusion that was pointless (or they got bored and moved on to the next Ohio State fan),  said Facebook poster remained silent after a couple good ole’ shout outs to Ohio University. You got to love a fan that tells a program they suck, even though they capitalized the lol in Wolverine just a few months back.

Yesterday, was just another day in the life of an Ohio State fan living in foul territory. But if there is anything I’ve learned over the years, it’s that Praise and Puke fans will never change. And sometimes, you just have to air out their stupidity to release your frustration.

In the past, I wouldn’t let the ridiculousness get to me.

Since writing for Buckeye Empire though, I’ve learned one very valuable thing (everything else is just happenstance).

Damn, It feels good to Embrace The Hate.

2 comments
Ryan Lephart
Ryan Lephart

Note for that video: Their now 895 wins are 70 above us, but have played football for 11 years longer. That means if UM didn't play football for the next 11 years to even it up, we'd have to win a whole 6.36 games per year to make it EVEN. So basically just have our worst season in over 20 years, 11 times in a row....

Ryan Lephart
Ryan Lephart

That Wichigan guy makes us real Super Fans look bad... someone burn that cape before it becomes contagious.

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