Each week (well, almost each week) we get together to give you The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly of the College Football Weekend.
-Let’s see here, there was something that we wanted to put in the good…..Oh that’s right 12-0 bitches!!!
-Carlos Hyde Yo Kids Hyde Yo Wife, we running over everybody up in here. The bruising running back finished with 146 yards in The Game and added another touchdown bringing his total for the season to 17. We all know Braxton will be a front-runner for the Heisman next year but, we’re announcing Hyde’s candidacy right here right meow. Also, we love that he mocked Denard with the feed me motion as he and the o-line were picking up first downs with ease to end the game.
-Philly Brown, talk about Redemption Song. He muffed a punt leading to a Michigan TD but came back with a touchdown of his own and finished with over 100 yards of total offense. He was Braxton’s most consistent receiving threat during the season and seems to be emerging as the playmaker the Buckeyes need at receiver.
-Luke Fickell. There were people ready to run you out town through a few games. We said not so kind things as well. But kudos to you sir. This defense got progressively better throughout the year culminating in a LOCK DOWN 2nd half against that team up north.
– The Buckeyes shut out Michigan in the final 30 minutes, allowing just EIGHT YARDS in the fourth quarter and 60 in the second half (four first downs). The Wolverines didn’t cross the 50 yard line in the second half. Holy shit we still have goose bumps.
-The defense coming together and taking care of business for your fallen leader in John Simon. We almost cried when we heard he couldn’t play. Seriously, we almost cried. But the defense came together in the 2nd half and made him proud I’m sure.
– The 2002 National Championship team was honored between the first and second quarters. It was nice to see Coach Tressel back in the shoe.
-Urban Meyer, the possibilities are endless with him at the helm. Enjoy Urban as he rips this officials ass for that missed face-mask penalty.
-No one else gets in the good this week, this week is reserved for Buckeyes only.
– Michigan, nice try. Next year you are going to get slaughtered at the dump you call “The Big House”.
– National media- Brady Hoke wasn’t wearing short sleeves because he is tough. He was wearing short sleeves because he is really, really, fat and even the slightest movement makes him sweat like if a normal person just ran a marathon in a turtleneck and sweater.
– Looks like Johnny Football is taking the Heisman by default. The kid is in the SEC but at the same time seems like the Anti-SEC quarterback.
– Wisconsin you chumps are lucky as fuck this year. You’re welcome. You have lost back to back games in overtime and are heading to the BIG10 championship game with a chance to play in a BCS game despite having Bret Bielema as your coach. We forgot to mention this last week. But, seeing Bret Bielema and calling him Bert to his face can be crossed off our bucket list. Thanks Best Western for not kicking us out after the our first night of trying to breaking into the pool at 2:30am and thus making that interaction possible. (In all seriousness the people in Madison were super cool the entire weekend, great party town!)
– Danny Hope, OHIO STATE will not have to “get used to” anything, especially now that you got canned. You still have a cool mustache though, but not half as cool as Urban’s was.
– Lane Kiffin’s play calling late in the game versus the Domers. Notre Dame has a good defense, but what the fuck were you doing Lane? The play-action on fourth down is not a bad choice, but throwing to redshirt freshman fullback Soma Vainuku, with all of his 8 career receptions, is really not the guy to go to with the game on the line. Lane is what we all thought he was. A middle aged guy who somewhat resembles Daniel Tosh and who can’t coach for shit.
– From the “like things couldn’t get worse” file. Tim Beckman (Illinois Head Coach) received two sideline interference penalties. Dumbass.
– The ACC goes 0-4 versus the SEC and Florida State you look awful.
– The (Big) East. We are officially removing the Big from the Big East conference. They currently have no teams ranked in the top 25. Pathetic, fucking pathetic.
– It’s called karma Gene Chizik.
– The 2012 All Big Ten Conference selections literally just came out. We don’t have too many gripes with the media selections except for Big Hank ending up on the 2nd team. The guy is a monster and is the best defensive tackle in the conference, maybe the nation. The main problem comes with the coaches. The only thing more embarrassing then most of these guys coaching performances is their All Big Ten selections. Ryan Shazier and Braxton Miller were both on the second team. Need I say more? I know I don’t but I will. Also no Ohio State offensive lineman ended up on the 1st or 2nd team. Mind you Ohio State has two of the top eight rushers in the entire conference. The Big Ten coaches continue to act like Mean Girls. Although we think that Lindsay Lohan is probably a better recruiter than Bret Bielema. If we are high school kids and you put cocaine and fake tits in our faces then we just met our new head coach.
– The AP Voters. Some of you are an embarassment. If you have time, look at this idiot’s ballot: http://collegefootball.ap.org/poll-voter/josh-kendall
That’s right Josh Kendall has Texas A&M #2, Stanford #4, and Ohio State #12. If you are a product of inbreeding you shouldn’t have an AP Vote.