College Football Bowl Season Recap: The Good, The Bad, The Notre Dame (Removed By Popular Demand) Irish
The Good, the Bad, the Notre Dame (Removed By Popular Demand) Irish.
The college bowl season came to a close yesterday with a resounding thud. Alabama beat up on those Notre Dame red-headed step children like they were red-headed step children, Brent Musberger said what we were all thinking, and Twitter saved the night for many of us. Join us after the break for our last The Good, The Bad, The Ugly of the College Football Season where no one is spared.
The Good:
-First off let’s give credit where credit’s due. Congrats to THE Ohio State University on being THE only undefeated team in the BCS. O-H-12-0.
-The Ohio State University is now bowl eligible. Look out SEC, Urban’s coming for you!
-Alabama dominated the line of scrimmage on both sides of ball and completely outcoached and outplayed the Irish last night. It was an embarrassment. Say what you want about the Buckeye National Championship losses in 06′ and 07′ but at least we were like Adam Goldberg in Dazed and Confused and landed one haymaker before we got knocked out. We are sure that Matthew McConaughey’s character Wooderson would have enjoyed the pregame atmosphere:
-Nick Saban, give the guy credit. Winning three National Championships in four years is impressive but stop looking into the camera when you’re being interviewed. It’s really bizarre.
-Eddie Lacy, MVP and a straight up pimp.
-With the National Championship game failing to entertain last night thank goodness for Twitter. It was ridiculously funny, here are some of our favorites:
@BuckeyeHumor: An Alabama fans first sexual experience is with an Uncle, a Notre Dame fans is with a father. See, they aren’t that different.
@TheBad: Mike McQueary just called his dad and told him what he saw Alabama do to Notre Dame.
@BuckeyeEmpire: Is Te’o wearing a camouflage jersey??? I haven’t seen him.
@BuckeyeEdge: Can a petition be started to remove “Fighting” from Notre Dame’s nickname?
@Wolverine_Killa: Urban Meyer should pull a Kanye when Saban gives his speech.
There were tons of others that kept us entertained during the massacre that was the National Championship game.
-Northwestern broke their 64 year bowl winless streak and beat a SEC team. Way to carry the flag Wildcats! (Wow the Big Ten sucks)
-Brent Mussberger is not the only dude using a picture of AJ McCarron’s girlfriend for spank bank material. The girlfriend, whose name is Katherine Webb, became an instant sensation and was being stalked by Aaron Murray, Darnell Dockett, and even Lebron James last night. She’s definitely the best looking chick in Alabama and also the only one with all of her teeth.
-Jadeveon Clowney’s hit on Vincent Smith. Enjoy. Hey Vincent Smith, you forgot your head.
-Johnny Football is the real deal. This dude worked over the Sooners and “Big Game Bob”, then went out and spent all the cash he was given on cocaine and strippers. He is officially our favorite Non-Buckeye player.
-Louisville beating Florida’s ass makes us smile ear to ear. I’m sure Will Muschamp will tell us how this is Urban’s fault once he gets done throwing his own feces around in anger.
The Bad:
-Taylor Martinez looked like a crybaby bitch after these comments: “(Georgia’s defense was) just another typical Big Ten defense” and “I think the Big Ten, talent-wise, is a lot better, and the defenses in the Big Ten are better than SEC defenses. This was supposed to be one of the top defenses in the SEC, and we pretty much did anything we wanted against them.” Yeah except win the game. Remember when Bo Pelini was a defensive genius? We can’t either.
-LSU’s collapse. The Tigers were up 24-13 before getting out scored 12-0 in the 4th quarter. Maybe instead of eating grass Les Miles should smoke some like the rest of his players, get inventive on offense.
-How the did Bob Stoops get the nickname “Big Game” Bob. This clown loses every big game he coaches in. Maybe his nickname should be “Big Game Flop”.
-Congrats to Wisconsin on losing their third Rose Bowl in a row. What an impressive feat. Speaking of a different kind of feet, nice tattoo Rex Ryan.
-Chip Kelly is a bigger cock tease than that virgin we all hated in college. He flirts with all these NFL teams and then just heads back to Oregon. It’s hard to imagine that he would come back to Oregon without some sort of guarantee that Nike is going to make this NCAA mess go away. Stay tuned…
-Tommy Tuberville is pure class. He is sitting at a dinner with recruits when he gets up and walks out of the room. Everyone thinks he is just going to the bathroom, but he never returns. The next day he takes the Cincinnati job. Way to follow up the incident where you bitch slapped a grad assistant and prove what a good guy you are.
-AJ McCarron showing up his roommate and protector of his life, Barrett Jones, by getting in his face and screaming at him. Easy AJ, this guy will fuck your world up. To follow that up he retweeted a fan who said that he got robbed in not getting the MVP of the game. Dude, your teammate won and was equally deserving. Someone needs an ass whooping so I hope he leaves and gets drafted by the Jets.
-Lane Kiffin, maybe you should retire from being a football coach and become an astronaut. You aren’t qualified or anything but that hasn’t stopped you from getting hired at any of your other jobs.
The Ugly (all reserved for Notre Dame):
-After Andy Dalton’s pathetic performance Gingers probably thought things couldn’t get any worse this week. Way to prove them wrong Irish.
-Notre Dame barely got in the stadium before this game was over. Bama scored so early and often we could swear we were witnessing a crime scene.
-Manti Te’o decided not to even join his Notre Dame teammates on the field in this game. We think it’s time he give back all those awards he received this year. Or at least give them to Ryan Shazier.
-Notre Dame’s defense. This so-called juggernaut defense allowed 529 total yards of offense to the Crimson Tide. Alabama was having their way with the Irish like a southern uncle at a family reunion.
-Notre Dame wraps up less than Antonio Cromartie. The Domers gave up 125 yards after contact to Alabama’s running backs.
-Brain Kelly was completely out-coached and Nick Saban. We thought Kelly was an offensive genius. What, did all your anger management classes get in the way of game planning?
Well that wraps it up and make sure you do the same kids. Stay tuned to The Empire during the off season for ongoing hoops coverage and frequent articles about how we wish football season would hurry up and get here.
Embrace The Hate
Jason and Aaron @BuckeyeHum0r
