Like bears we have been in a hibernation for about a month. Not like bears we have spent most of the month drinking and playing Grand Theft Auto Vice City on our iPhones. We needed something to pull us out of our drunken slumber and nothing gets us more excited than talking about high school kids. Wait, that sounds weird. Nevertheless, here is your College Football Recruiting Recap The Good, The Bad, The mom get back here with my blogging notes!
– Urban Legend. The guy could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman wearing white gloves. Other people can only sell ketchup popsicles to Brady Hoke. Earlier this week Urban and company flipped Dontre Wilson from Oregon. Yesterday he got James Clark, a slot receiver from Florida, to pick the Buckeyes over Florida and Clemson. He also got Vonn Bell, a five star safety out of Georgia, to pick the good guys over Alabama and Tennessee. The Buckeyes also kept Trey Johnson and Ezekiel Elliott, two players who were rumored to have the potential to flip to opposing schools. At the end of the day the Buckeyes finished with a consensus top five recruiting class, including Scout’s #1 class.
-Let’s not overlook the unsung heroes, the assistant coaches. These guys worked countless hours trying to secure commitments in the class and they did a great job. Tom Herman and his work in Texas, Everett Withers and his work in securing the Vonn Bell committment, Kerry Coombs could make us run through a brick wall, and who wouldn’t to play for Luke Fickell and Mike Vrabel. We have an unbelievable coaching staff who know what it takes to be great. Tom Herman said that he basically recruited his wife for six months before she went out with him. What can we say, the guy knows talent.
-Taivon Jacobs flipped from Ohio State to Maryland. It turns out the kid’s brother plays there and more importantly the kid is not a kid but a father to a one year old girl. If he thinks staying close to home is the best way for him to be a good father then he made a great decision and we wish him the best of luck. Very mature decision for that age.
-On Joey Bosa’s twitter page he lists Ohio State football and EDM (Electronic Dance Music). This kid really has it all figured out.
-Shout out to all the kids who committed early and thus weren’t the subject of a ridiculous amount of hype yesterday. Have you seen Jalin Marshall’s highlight tape?
The Bad (Let us first mention that if we were high school football recruits we would have done WAY dumber things that than these kids)
-Reuben Foster has an Auburn tattoo but is committed to Alabama but he was committed to Auburn at one time, right after he was committed to Alabama for the first time. You following? We suggested he just add a “Sucks” at the bottom of the tattoo or just have a booster pay for the laser removal, that’s allowed in the SEC right?
-Tommy Tuberville’s tactic’s are pissing people off all over the country. First, while at Texas Tech, he left a group of recruits at dinner to take the Cincinatti job. Now he comes to UC and pisses off Ohio high school coaches. Massillon Washington Head coach Jason Hall was so hot he went third person on Tuberville’s ass: ““I think they thought he (Kyle Kempt, QB) was going to go to Tennessee with Butch Jones and they offered another quarterback. But that wasn’t the case. Cincinnati will not be allowed back in Massillon on our campus as long as Jason Hall is in Massillon”. Doesn’t sound like UC will be threatening OSU on the recruiting front anytime soon, or even Purdue for that matter.
-Davin Bellamy, a 3-star recruit from Chamblee, Ga, lives by the golden rule: Bitches and Blunts. We aint mad at cha, we got nothing but love for ya. But for real, fuck all the chicks and smoke all the weed you want just don’t post that shit to twitter while you’re on a recruiting trip to Oregon. Since you already screwed up, us life’s other golden rule: “Deny till you die”, give us a call and we’ll be your life coach, we have the time. (PS, he signed with Georgia anyway).
-Big Two/Little 10. On ESPN’s rankings all fourteen SEC teams are ranked in the top 40, including six of the top ten. The Big Ten had just six teams in the top 40 with only Ohio State (#3) and Michigan (#6) in the top 20. Apparently the rest of the Big Ten is content to get steamrolled by Ohio State and Michigan for the next 10 years. It seems just like the old days.
-USC had the #1 recruiting class before the bowl season started, but ended up #13 after several highly rated recruits decommitted for rival schools. A lot of people have put the blame in several areas like most of the defensive staff leaving or their dreadful season last year, but we firmly believe that recruits are starting to understand that Lane Kiffin is a punk bitch. That’s the real reason for all the decommittments. Like our good friend Danny Hope once said “get used to it”.
-Dude, Where’s My Letter of Intent. Arkansas recruit Alex Collins was all excited (for some reason) to sign with Bert Bielema and the Razorbacks, but his mommy had different ideas. She wants her son to stay closer to home and sign with Miami U so she went to his school and STOLE his letter of intent. We’re thinking his mom doesn’t have his best interests at heart. The only thing she is thinking about is all the money the U will pay her to have her son play for the Hurricanes. Also, to be fair to Alex’s mother, we wouldn’t want to play for Bert either.
-Ole Mi$$ landed a top 5 recruiting class which means they are the latest SEC team to shell out mad dollars for BCS title (See Auburn and sCam Newton). Speculation went through the roof after highly touted recruit Laquon Treadwell tweeted out a picture of himself holding a fistful of $100’s.
He quickly retracked the tweet and stated that is was only a joke. We like your style Laquon. YOLO dog, YOLO.
-Bret Bielema flipped a recruit from Kansas State and the aforementioned Alex Collins would be a flip from The U. It doesn’t seem like that long ago that Bielema was crying about Meyer going after committed kids.
-SMU signed the world’s 11th ranked male model. Sup?
-Smoke Mizzell, a Virginia commit got arrested back in January on a recruiting visit to the school for underage possession of alcohol. The main problem with this is that is still even considered a crime.
-Trolling opposing fanbases is funny and guys like @wolverinekilla and @cbusjeff are pro’s, but tweeting death threats and inappropriate shit to recruits who spurn your school for greener pastures is stupid. Friends don’t let friends tweet recruits, or root for Michigan. There is really only one rule for recruiting season and that is don’t be a recreeper.
We included these just for your viewing pleasure.
America’s favorite meathead:
America’s favorite asshole: