The Ohio State University football team is coming off its 10th ever undefeated season. It was not quite the celebration that most Buckeye fans would have hoped for due to a few unmentionables, but the fact still remains that we were the only team to finish the 2012 season without a loss. Let us say that again, the only team to finish the 2012 college football season undefeated.
This latest undefeated season got us thinking of the last undefeated season. We were a younger, drunker (if that’s possible), version of ourselves, but just as witty and good looking. We have killed too many brain cells to count since then, but we remember the National Championship victory like it was yesterday. Just think back to some of the names on that championship team, Doss, Gamble, Jenkins, Smith, etc. Just writing those names gives us the chills. Two things we love are the Buckeyes and fantasy football, so why not combine them. We decided to create an all Buckeye team with players spanning the years between undefeated seasons. The twist is that we have Urban Meyer as our coach and his system in place. The fights are over and the results are in. Time to reveal the greatest Buckeye Team from 2002-2012.
After a long heated debate and going at each other throats we have come up with the leader of this offense….Braxton Miller. We know Troy Smith won the Heisman and Craig Kenzel won a National Championship so put your shirt back on. Some of you are going to get up in arms about having Terrelle Pryor as the QB, but he was basically like dating a really hot but dirty chick for a few years. It was great while it lasted, but we are just now getting rid of our Penicillin prescription. TP was a good QB and would be a great fit in this offense but the main reason we are choosing Braxton is because we think he is going to be much better than TP and Troy. We are anticipating him obliterating all of the Ohio State QB records next season on his way to his first Heisman trophy. The guy doesn’t have a video game nickname for no reason.
Running Back (1)
We decided on Lydell Ross for this position, just kidding. Again, compromise was needed at this position, but after the promise of an HJ we decided on Beanie Wells, who was the 4th leading rusher in Ohio State history despite leaving a year early. Clarett was a close second but we saw a limited sample of him and in his one season he suffered from the same injury bug that plagued Beanie much of his career. We also thought Beanie could be the battering ram that would off set Braxton’s shifty running style nicely.
Wide Receiver (3)
This was a really difficult group to decide on and in the end we ended up leaving off our studly wide receivers like Brian Hartline, Anthony Gonzalez, plus the ladies and our favorite Dane Sanzenbacher. On the outsides we would have Michael Jenkins, who is the leading receiver in terms of yards in Ohio State history, and the ridiculously talented Santiono Holmes. Our slot man would be none other than Ten Ginn Jr. We would love to see a defense try to stop his speed and shiftiness in the Percy Harvin position. Remember the “Shot Ginn” game against Oklahoma State? I’m sure Urban Meyer and Tom Herman would be salivating at the mouth like us at Ray Ray’s Hog Pit thinking of all the possibilities.
Probably the weakest position on the entire team. It’s not really our fault because Tress never cared for a tight end and never used the spot as anything other than an extra blocker. With all that said we are taking Jake Ballard because, well Hartsock wasn’t as athletic and we will never forgive you Ryan Hamby.
Offensive Line (5)
We are really stretching our football expertise here. We know less about offensive lineman than Jim Bollman. We are throwing out the disclaimer that (a) we are making it so these guys were coached by Ed Warriner and not Bollman and (b) we don’t really know shit about offensive lineman. Rob Sims, Nick Mangold, and Mike Adams are all still in the NFL so we’ll take those there. To finish out the position we’ll take Alex Boone and Alex Stepanovich….we guess.
NUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGEEEEEEE! We rest our case.
Defensive Line (4)
This position has so much fucking talent you really can’t go wrong with any number of players including the likes of Kenny Peterson, Quinn Pitcock who follows us on Twitter and therefore is awesome, Jon Hankins, and Darrion Scott. We settled upon Will Smith, Vernon Gholston, Cameron Heyward, and John Simon. Good luck getting any yards on the ground against these beasts plus check opposing quarterbacks for poo stains because going against this crew is going to be scarier than seeing Brady Hoke in the nude taking a cream cheese bath.
Two were very easy for us to decide upon, AJ Hawk and James Laurinaitis. These guys would blow up as many holes on the field as off. The last guy was debatable as we also considered Bobby Carpenter, Matt Wilhelm, and angel voiced Cie Grant, but we went with our hearts and the fact that we saw him running on campus with his shirt off and selected Ryan Shazier. Schwing!
Defensive back (2)
This spot was a no-brainer. Chris Gamble, who might just be our favorite Buckeye of all time and Malcom Jenkins. Another year like last year though and Bradley Roby could make this decision really difficult. We already told you the D-line’s not letting anyone run the ball and these two are shutting down the air attack faster than saying bomb on an airplane. Also when this team wants to go five wide Gamble fits right in.
Maybe the greatest Buckeye ever Michael Doss and Donte Whitner. Not afraid to hit someone to break up a pass and maybe the smartest saftey’s to put on the Scarlet and Grey. Wide Receiver’s and Tight Ends better have their head on a swivel going across the middle. Honorable mention goes out to Will Allen and his hit on McGahee in the National Championship game.
Punter (1) (even though we wouldn’t need one with this team)
At one point in time the punt was considered the most important play. Buckeye Empires own Jon Thoma was strongly considered for this spot. Hopefully he doesn’t put a hit out on us, but we are going with Andy “the boom” Groom. Again, he won’t get many opportunities, but when called upon, we have all the confidence that he can pin the other team deep. For you nerds out there Groom averaged 45.0 yards per punt, which happens to be the best average for a punter in Ohio State history.
Share with us your reaction to the greatest Buckeye team between 2002-2012. You can comment below or reach out to us on twitter @BuckeyeHumor