Miami Dolphins to Draft Denard Robinson

UC

There has been a lot of speculation about where former Michigan QB and September Heisman candidate Denard Robinson will be drafted.  It appears now that the question will be answered today in a surprise move by the Miami Dolphins.

Our sources are telling us that the Dolphins are planning to use their first round pick to draft Robinson at #12 overall making him the first college quarterback taken off the board.  Although few people expect Robinson to play quarterback for the Dolphins.  There has been plenty of talk about what position Denerd will play in the NFL.  Most scouts doubt he will play quarterback due to the fact that teams assume he is color blind because he consistently throws the ball to the wrong team.  They also doubt he will play running back considering the fact that any time he bumps into a four year old girl he asks for an ambulance to be called.  They also doubt he will play wide receiver because plain and simple…he sucks.

With the quarterback, running back, and wide receiver positions out of the picture for Robinson most fans are wondering “Where will Denard be used?”  For the answer to that question we got a quote from ESPN’s guru of the NFL Draft and guru of creeping out little kids, Mel Kiper Jr.

“I have Denard Robinson as the #1 ranked T-Pain look-a-like in the entire draft.  The resemblance is uncanny.  Not only do they look a lot alike but they also both have NO Talent.  None whatsoever.  I think that if Denard puts on 10 pounds he could kill T-Pain, take his place, and no one would know.  I am saying this because I truly believe it and not because his agent paid me a bunch of money, which is usually what happens when I give a glowing recommendation of someone.  And also Fuck Todd McShay.”

When you think about Denerd going to the Miami Dolphins it makes a lot of sense.  Miami is a transplant city.  No one is born in Miami, they either migrate there to retire or float over on a raft and live in a shanty town until they take over the cocaine trade because Scarface is a documentary about Miami.  The sports fans in that town are completely transparent and fake as fuck.   Have you actually sat down and watched the Heat in the NBA playoffs this year?  The arena is so empty it’s like looking into a ginger’s sole.  The Dolphins are drafting Denard so that they can sit him in the stands and have people think that T-Pain is at the game.  Being a city of followers the hope is that people will then buy tickets.  They can also have him perform at halftime as T-Pain and no one will know the difference since T-Pain can’t sing and uses autotune anyways.  If that doesn’t work they can put a nun’s outfit on him and act out Sister Act scenes.  Denerd is the perfect fit for the Dolphins.  He can relate to their fans on a level that no one else can.  He is 100 percent fake.  This guy has been fooling all those moronic Michigan fans into believing he was a quarterback for years.  The only difference now is that everyone in Miami has better things to do like hang out on the beach and snort cocaine.    

 

2 comments
Tim Dhiraprasiddhi
Tim Dhiraprasiddhi

Maybe Denard can tell Henne what it's like to win 1 game against the Buckeyes