ESPN has released several show concepts that it plans to have on the newly formed SEC Network. It was already known that the Network would have a variety of SEC sporting events but many assumed ESPN would take a cue from the Big Ten Network and focus solely on sports related highlight shows, behind the scenes shows, and documentaries. ESECPN revealed today that while they will have some of the standard sports shows they will be looking to completely distance themselves from the Big Ten Network by having a variety of game shows, reality television shows, and even some sitcoms. Here is the brief programming preview that we were able to get from our “sources”.
The Scholarship– We’ve been told that this show will be similar to “The Bachelor” but instead of competing for a man, players who have already been given scholarships will be competing to keep their scholarships thanks to Nick Saban oversigning the recent freshman class at Alabama. Instead of roses players will be handed diplomas that are then ripped up in front of them and their families when they are cut. The show will feature Saban talking awkwardly into the camera when someone else is talking to him and acting like he cares about the well-being of others.
Greyshirts Anatomy- Will feature of oversexed future Alabama football players attending a junior college for one quarter and acting over dramatic and extremely confrontational about everything that occurs while constantly questioning their sexuality and the meaning of life.
Deal or No Deal– We are told that this show will be similar to the original show except that instead of regular contestants they will have SEC recruits and the gorgeous women holding briefcases will be replaced by overweight middle-aged southerners wearing jorts. Just to ensure there are no violations the money won by the recruits will be donated to a church run by someone in the recruits family. Godspeed.
Are You Smarter Than a Preschooler- This show will also be much like the original except with easier questions because people from the SEC are fucking stupid, Vanderbilt excluded. It will obviously still be hosted by Jeff Foxworthy and the majority of the contestants will be from Mississippi.
Get Over It, with Dr. Drew- This show is said to feature Tim Brando, Mike Bianchi, and Will Muschamp each first confessing their love for Urban Meyer and then working with Dr. Drew to finally get over him. Each man is confronted Intervention style about his obsession with Meyer and then after agreeing to enter treatment they begin to work through their issues. Rumor has it that the show is really intense as Muschamp seems to struggle with the fact that he will never live up to Meyer’s legacy and Bianchi/Brando work through the fact that they will never cover a coach as cool, good looking, and accomplished as Meyer. It will all end well as Tim Brando will proclaim Dr. Drew to be a hero.
Swamp People- Will simply transfer from the History Channel.
Untitled Bret Bielema and Les Miles buddy cop sitcom- Not many details were available about this show but I’m betting it will be amazing. We are guessing that Miles character will be like Macgyver while Bielema’s character will be a combination of Chris Farley and a giant whining baby.
Glory Hole Days- Will feature Tennessee fans talking about the days when their football program was actually relevant. We’ve been told that all of the interviews will take place in various truck stop bathrooms in Tennessee.
This is obviously just a small sample. The network has stated that it would love to hear other suggestions from the public. Let us know what other shows you would like to see on the network.