Ohio State’s 2013 football season is 30 days away and the team starts training camp Saturday in preparation for the upcoming season. You should be no different. Tailgating season also begins in 30 days which means you don’t have much time to whip your ass into top physical shape. It’s time to stop the fake diet and it’s time to get your BBQ buds in prime condition with some trips to Ray Ray’s Hog Pit. Don’t want to get wasted on a Tuesday because you want to wake up at 5am and work out? That 5 mile run on the treadmill isn’t going to help the 12 hours of drinking stamina your going to need come August 31st. You’re a Buckeye fan and it’s time you start acting like it. Pool season will soon be over and the only reason you should you have your shirt off past August 31st in public is if you are painting a Block O on your chest. We have come up the 5 most important ways to make sure you are the Urban Meyer of tailgating this year. Welcome to Buckeye Fan Training Camp!
1. Build Tolerance- We talking about practice. That’s right we talking about practice. Nothing would be more embarrassing than bonging your first beer and then puking on your buddy like a little bitch. Football season requires you to be in tip top shape like it would if you were running a marathon (we are just going to assume you don’t really run marathons because they are for bitches). You have to be able to drink over a long period of time, usually about 12 hours if you’re doing it right. We suggest daily AM, shower, and road beers become part of your routine. That includes work days, no excuses play like a champion.
2. Butter Up the Significant Others- You are going to be gone…..a lot. The only way you can make that happen and stay out of the dog house at the same time is if the other person in your life is happy. This means you may have to put yourself in some uncomfortable situations. Friday night just became the worst night of the week for you. “The Notebook is a great movie.”, you’ll shame yourself into saying. Think spending $400.00 on a Coach purse is idiotic? No it isn’t, it’s a great idea if that’s what it takes to get you chugging Natty Light out of a Solo Cup with your buddies. Shopping and Twilight marathons are going to become the norm, but don’t get discouraged and keep your eyes on the prize. Training camp isn’t supposed to be easy.
3. Gameplan- Nothing can spoil a season like poor preparation. Leave nothing to chance when it comes to tailgating. Remember this is your livelihood and you don’t want to leave a legacy like Joe Pa. Get out early and scope out your tailgate/bar spot. Decide on a location that best suits your needs (beer, lots of liquor, proximity to the stadium, nice scenery, and the right amount of weird). Also don’t be that fan that gets to the game and feels like passing out. Prepare accordingly, drunky bears, air plane bottles, and pocket shots are your best friends in the stadium.
4. Yard Games- These are keys to any college football season. Beer Pong, Cornhole, Hillbilly Golf, and Beersbee are the games of the gods. Being good at these games can make you a legend at any tailgate or kegger. Unless you are completely uncoordinated practice will get you better. Round up some friends and perfect your craft. If you are one of those unfortunate souls who couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn, befriend someone with talent and ride those coat tails like Chris Bosh. The next best thing to being the MVP is getting a championship ring.
5. Educate Yourself – Nothing screams dumbass like a Buckeye fan who still thinks the combo of Ted Ginn Jr and Troy Smith are going to lead us to a title this year. Print off a current roster and memorize it. Nothing impresses the ladies more than knowing that Dontre Wilson is the new freshman they should be looking to trap with a baby. You can visit various media outlets to get the information, but to save time so you can focus on drinking just stick with our guys over at the Empire.