Top Five Big Ten Coaches on the Hot Seat

On August 13, 2013 by Buckeye Humor

We are just a few weeks away from the start of the college football season. Fans have been more anxious than Brady Hoke waiting for the Twinkie comeback. Every teams fans think that this year is THE year for their team. With great expectations comes great responsibility. We will take a look at the five Big Ten coaches likely to be on a seat hotter than Joe Paterno’s in hell should their team stumble.

5. Kevin Wilson (Indiana):

Wilson is entering his third season and so far has a 5-19 record. Wilson came to Indiana from Oklahoma so he isn’t used to losing a lot of games, only the important ones. He would probably be higher on the list but people in Indiana care about football about as much as Tom Crean cares about crying in public.

It’s bowl game or bust for Mr. Wilson.

4. Bo Pelini (Nebraska):

Q: What’s the difference between a Bo Pelini defense and a porno?

A: In a porno they actually plug holes.

Bo Pelini’s defense allowed 70 points to a Burt Bielema coached team (repeat 10 times to get the full affect). No wonder Pelini is in love with this football team because they’re nothing but a bunch of pussies (relax, he loves cats!).

Click for Pelini and Cats

Bo knows mediocrity. If the Cornhuskers don’t make it to a BCS game it should be game over for Pelini.

3. Mark Dantonio (Michigan State):

Dantonio’s team last year started out ranked 13th in both polls. They finished the season unranked. His team’s main problem last year was their offense. So what does Dantonio do? He obviously does what any great coaching mind would do and hires Jim Bollman. This means that Michigan State will now be scoring less than a non relative at a family reunion in the South.

Dantonio should stay out of the long unemployment lines in Michigan with a Big Ten Championship Game appearance.

2. Brady Hoke (Michigan):

Brady Hoke won a BCS game in his first year, but it was a down year in the Big Ten and the BCS win was against Virginia Tech so it didn’t really count, am I right?

Last year his Michigan squad was ranked 8th preseason and ended up 24th in the AP poll and unranked in the Coaches poll.

I know Michigan fans have low expectations. The biggest city in their state is bankrupt, you get food stamps with a scUM diploma, and the valevictorian in most of their high school classes is usually the first kid to approved for SSDI but back in the day they could at least fall back on their football program.

Michigan just broke up with the ugliest girl in school three years ago but lets get real, Brady Hoke isn’t winning prom queen anytime soon. If Michigan doesn’t win at least 10 games this year Hoke should be scouting buffets outside the Big Ten.

1. Kirk Ferentz (Iowa):

Most college football “experts” would slap their own momma if they said anything disparaging about Ferentz a few years ago. Now the rumors of him being the next Vince Lombardi in the NFL are gone and everyone agrees this guy is a turd. Want to know why he sucks, well he was born in Michigan and obviously that’s the end of that thesis. The only thing keeping this guy employed is the fact that his buyout could bail out Detroit. Apparently there are no Harvey Specter’s in Iowa because this guy will probably get six wins and win Big Ten Coach of the Year.