Sources out of Los Angeles close to The Death Star have confirmed that LA Kiss and former Ohio State quarterbacking phenom Kenny Guiton has boarded a private jet to Columbus to suit up for a fifth year of eligibility.
We were able to catch up with Kenny’s agent, who had this to say about the nation’s greatest backup QB.
“We’re all well aware of the NCAA rules on amateurism. The great thing is, the Arena Football League isn’t a real professional football league, so we feel pretty confident that the governing body will see things our way and grant Kenny a fifth year of playing time.”
Our crack team of reporters hounded Coach Urban Meyer’s cell phone all evening, but to no avail. (It may actually have been an old pizza delivery number) So we sent some Stormtroopers to his home but the police said something about “invasion of privacy.” Remembering the provisions of the restraining order, we had little choice but to leave Urban’s backyard treehouse.
We were, however, able to reach third string QB Cardale Jones who, despite being visibly upset at our talking to him at the men’s room trough, was able to tell us that while he doesn’t play school, he does play football. Which, I have to say, was news to all of us.
The presumptive heir to Miller, Texas QB J.T. Barrett, refused to answer our text messages when asked about the situation, but we know in our hearts that he secretly wants Kenny back too.
Because everyone loves Smooth Jazz.